RottenBurger presents: The crash course to understanding lolcat culture.
(somehow, a surprising number of people have failed in noticing or understanding this internet meme. may ceiling cat bless thee.)
Making sense of this shit:
RED = Stuffs you gotta know! SRSLY!
BLUE = Boring Facts
GREY = More Boring Facts
A formal introduction
A lolcat, is an image combining a photograph, most frequently of a cat, with a humorous and idiosyncratic caption in (often) broken English—a dialect which is known as "lolspeak" or "kitty pidgin" and which parodies the poor grammar typically attributed to Internet slang.
These images usually consist of a photo of a cat with a large caption characteristically set in a sans serif font such as Impact or Arial Black. The image is, on occasion, digitally edited for effect. The caption generally acts as a speech balloon encompassing a comment from the cat, or as a description of the depicted scene.
HAPPYCAT
In teh biginning… tehre wuz Happycat.. anz he started teh lolcat kulcher. YA RLY. Srsly.
(Happy Cat is arguably one of the most recognized faces among lolcats. He is the face that kick started the website I Can Has Cheezburger and the NEDM meme.
Nakagawa posted an image from Something Awful of a smiling grey cat, known as Happycat, with a caption of the cat asking, "I can has cheezburger?" in a style popularized by 4chan. It is from this image that ICHC derives its name.)
CEILING CAT & BASEMENT CAT
Teh interwebz peeps, dey iz wan God fur teh lolcat cuz Jezuz waz nt kat. Dey goes to Jezuz an sayz: "Kthxbai!" an Ceiling Cat iz in yr universe, making da erf an water an stuff.
Ceiling Cat is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, and omnivorous. (See: om nom nom nom.)
He is known to enter houses and poke his head through holes in the ceiling to watch people masturbate. If there's no hole in your ceiling, he'll make one.
Some consider this to be an invasion of privacy, but who are we to question Ceiling Cat? Ceiling Cat is benevolent, but just. If he does not approve of something, he is known to destroy entire planets with his deadly eye lazers, which is why no one complains.
Long ago, Ceiling Cat's favorite kitten, Lightcat, rebelled against Ceiling Cat. Seeking to become Top Cat. Lightcat recruited one third of the cats in Cat Heaven and attempted to drive C.C. out.
Of course, he was immediately pwned by Ceiling Cat, who cast him out of Cat Heaven (located somewhere in the Ceiling) and into Cat Hell (located somewhere in the Basement).
Thus chastised, Lightcat became one with the darkness; assuming the name Basement Cat, he and his fallen feline followers (known as Devil Cats) took on a new mission: to drag as many cats as they could down with them. .
It is said that someday Ceiling Cat and Basement Cat will meet in final battle. This day will come at the end of time itself and should not be confused with Catnarok (explained later), which is a cyclical "cleansing of the cosmic litterbox" and not a final apocalypse.
At the end, the prophecy says, all beings (human and feline) will be judged by Ceiling Cat on their actions towards others. People who have been mean to cats will be told to GTFO and will dwell in the darkness below with Basement Cat for all time. Those who have shown kindness to cats (and humans) will live on in bliss in Cat Heaven.
(Ceiling Cat refers to a photographic image of a concerned-looking cat whose head appears poking out through a hole in somebody's ceiling. This image has become universally recognized by all denizens of the Tubes as a sign of wonder, an icon of fear, and a source of lulz. Ceiling Cat is the analog of God.
The character is also featured in a project to translate the Bible to lolspeak. "Ceiling Cat" and the corresponding "Basement Cat" have been said to represent God and Satan in the lolcat universe.)
LONGCAT & TACGNOL
Long Cat is a long carnivorous mammal. It is valued by humans as being exceedingly LONG. Something else is also valued by humans for being long, but that is another article. Some consider him a messiah. Who can blame them? His majesty is undeniable.
Although Long Cat is so long, fairly rare eye-witness reports and photographic evidence of the creature are on the increase. Long Cat is regarded by certain religious factions as a semi-messianic creature, whereas others consider Long Cat to be a treasured national symbol.
One possible origin of Long Cat is that Einstien created him out of nothingness when he said ""You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
As shown in the illustration Long Cats can grow to be OVER 9000 ft tall and dwarf most major land marks. It has been noted that certain Long Cats remain quite small before experiencing an immense growth-spurt which results in the cat rapidly alternating between LONG and not-so-long before finally sorting itself out and deciding on the former. Numerous Airlines have advocated and subsidized these organizations on the grounds that Long Cats cost them huge expenses every year when detours or escape maneuvers had to be performed in order to avoid some of the more immense Long Cats.
Because of the length of Long Cats torso the metabolism is exceptionally slow. Everything eaten by the Long Cat must be digested over a 50 year period. Which is a LOOOOOOOOOONG time, in cat years. This could be why there's never been a recorded sighting of the Long Cat doing anything other than wandering around with an apathetic, empty-minded stare upon its feline face.
The Long cat has essentially no predators ... however it has only one major natural enemy. Recently this unknown enemy has been identified as Tacgnol.
Tacgnol is the evil opposite of Longcat. He is possibly one of the minions of Basement Cat. Tacgnol is Longcat spelled backwards.
Often Long Cat and Tacgnol will meet in order to settle their differences violently. This most commonly takes place in third-world countries and is often ignored by western media.
CATNAROK
Catnarok is the long-awaited epic battle between Longcat and Tacgnol, or Tacgnol dna Longcat. This cosmic battle has been foretold since the beginning of time.
Longcat and Tacgnol will meet at the chosen ground on Caturday and begin their long, sacred battle. This battle between light and darkness will endure for a thousand æons, but the passage of time will seem like just a few seconds. It will be an even match, a purrfect balance, so neither can fail. It will thus be an epic win, as the world is cleansed of faggotry and AIDS.
After Catnarok, Longcat and Tacgnol will rest as one. The world will be fresh and unspoiled and full of joy. Everyone will eat deliciouscockcake. All flavors of cat food will be on sale. Time will begin again, the two halves of the great feline will split and Catnarok will once again be foretold, the signs and memes will be made manifest and the ancient cycle of Catnarok will continue endlessly.
(somehow, a surprising number of people have failed in noticing or understanding this internet meme. may ceiling cat bless thee.)
Making sense of this shit:
RED = Stuffs you gotta know! SRSLY!
BLUE = Boring Facts
GREY = More Boring Facts
A formal introduction
A lolcat, is an image combining a photograph, most frequently of a cat, with a humorous and idiosyncratic caption in (often) broken English—a dialect which is known as "lolspeak" or "kitty pidgin" and which parodies the poor grammar typically attributed to Internet slang.
These images usually consist of a photo of a cat with a large caption characteristically set in a sans serif font such as Impact or Arial Black. The image is, on occasion, digitally edited for effect. The caption generally acts as a speech balloon encompassing a comment from the cat, or as a description of the depicted scene.
HAPPYCAT
In teh biginning… tehre wuz Happycat.. anz he started teh lolcat kulcher. YA RLY. Srsly.
(Happy Cat is arguably one of the most recognized faces among lolcats. He is the face that kick started the website I Can Has Cheezburger and the NEDM meme.
Nakagawa posted an image from Something Awful of a smiling grey cat, known as Happycat, with a caption of the cat asking, "I can has cheezburger?" in a style popularized by 4chan. It is from this image that ICHC derives its name.)
CEILING CAT & BASEMENT CAT
Teh interwebz peeps, dey iz wan God fur teh lolcat cuz Jezuz waz nt kat. Dey goes to Jezuz an sayz: "Kthxbai!" an Ceiling Cat iz in yr universe, making da erf an water an stuff.
Ceiling Cat is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent, and omnivorous. (See: om nom nom nom.)
He is known to enter houses and poke his head through holes in the ceiling to watch people masturbate. If there's no hole in your ceiling, he'll make one.
Some consider this to be an invasion of privacy, but who are we to question Ceiling Cat? Ceiling Cat is benevolent, but just. If he does not approve of something, he is known to destroy entire planets with his deadly eye lazers, which is why no one complains.
Long ago, Ceiling Cat's favorite kitten, Lightcat, rebelled against Ceiling Cat. Seeking to become Top Cat. Lightcat recruited one third of the cats in Cat Heaven and attempted to drive C.C. out.
Of course, he was immediately pwned by Ceiling Cat, who cast him out of Cat Heaven (located somewhere in the Ceiling) and into Cat Hell (located somewhere in the Basement).
Thus chastised, Lightcat became one with the darkness; assuming the name Basement Cat, he and his fallen feline followers (known as Devil Cats) took on a new mission: to drag as many cats as they could down with them. .
It is said that someday Ceiling Cat and Basement Cat will meet in final battle. This day will come at the end of time itself and should not be confused with Catnarok (explained later), which is a cyclical "cleansing of the cosmic litterbox" and not a final apocalypse.
At the end, the prophecy says, all beings (human and feline) will be judged by Ceiling Cat on their actions towards others. People who have been mean to cats will be told to GTFO and will dwell in the darkness below with Basement Cat for all time. Those who have shown kindness to cats (and humans) will live on in bliss in Cat Heaven.
(Ceiling Cat refers to a photographic image of a concerned-looking cat whose head appears poking out through a hole in somebody's ceiling. This image has become universally recognized by all denizens of the Tubes as a sign of wonder, an icon of fear, and a source of lulz. Ceiling Cat is the analog of God.
The character is also featured in a project to translate the Bible to lolspeak. "Ceiling Cat" and the corresponding "Basement Cat" have been said to represent God and Satan in the lolcat universe.)
LONGCAT & TACGNOL
Long Cat is a long carnivorous mammal. It is valued by humans as being exceedingly LONG. Something else is also valued by humans for being long, but that is another article. Some consider him a messiah. Who can blame them? His majesty is undeniable.
Although Long Cat is so long, fairly rare eye-witness reports and photographic evidence of the creature are on the increase. Long Cat is regarded by certain religious factions as a semi-messianic creature, whereas others consider Long Cat to be a treasured national symbol.
One possible origin of Long Cat is that Einstien created him out of nothingness when he said ""You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
As shown in the illustration Long Cats can grow to be OVER 9000 ft tall and dwarf most major land marks. It has been noted that certain Long Cats remain quite small before experiencing an immense growth-spurt which results in the cat rapidly alternating between LONG and not-so-long before finally sorting itself out and deciding on the former. Numerous Airlines have advocated and subsidized these organizations on the grounds that Long Cats cost them huge expenses every year when detours or escape maneuvers had to be performed in order to avoid some of the more immense Long Cats.
Because of the length of Long Cats torso the metabolism is exceptionally slow. Everything eaten by the Long Cat must be digested over a 50 year period. Which is a LOOOOOOOOOONG time, in cat years. This could be why there's never been a recorded sighting of the Long Cat doing anything other than wandering around with an apathetic, empty-minded stare upon its feline face.
The Long cat has essentially no predators ... however it has only one major natural enemy. Recently this unknown enemy has been identified as Tacgnol.
Tacgnol is the evil opposite of Longcat. He is possibly one of the minions of Basement Cat. Tacgnol is Longcat spelled backwards.
Often Long Cat and Tacgnol will meet in order to settle their differences violently. This most commonly takes place in third-world countries and is often ignored by western media.
CATNAROK
Catnarok is the long-awaited epic battle between Longcat and Tacgnol, or Tacgnol dna Longcat. This cosmic battle has been foretold since the beginning of time.
Longcat and Tacgnol will meet at the chosen ground on Caturday and begin their long, sacred battle. This battle between light and darkness will endure for a thousand æons, but the passage of time will seem like just a few seconds. It will be an even match, a purrfect balance, so neither can fail. It will thus be an epic win, as the world is cleansed of faggotry and AIDS.
After Catnarok, Longcat and Tacgnol will rest as one. The world will be fresh and unspoiled and full of joy. Everyone will eat delicious
Hope you enjoyed the past 10 minutes of your life that you're never going to get back reading this informative and helpful guide in understanding such a glorious culture!
Sources:
ICHC
Lolcat Bible
Encyclopediadramatica
Uncyclopedia
knowyourmeme
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